A Proposal to make the net safe:

Recently several large web sites have been under seige from vicious 'skript kiddies' flooding their servers with packets of info WITHOUT THE INTENTION OF PURCHASING ANYTHING!, some of the sites have been disabled for several hours at a time. Although the Internet was created by hackers, and in the past has been made more secure by small pranks that prompt system administrators to secure systems, we are moving into a new age of communication, whereby businesses must be able to sell product online, and collect personal info to remain competetive. These corporations simply do not have the time to worry about protecting those servers filled with credit card numbers. Even a couple hours of downtime can badly limit the number of terrific offers that can be sent via email, having a negative impact on the 'new' economy.

PopeAlien.com proposes the following:

1) Net access must be limited to 'licensed' surfers. A small licensing fee (six to ten thousand dollars per year) would be paid to a government agency to look at the issue of online security. Licensing would involve submitting DNA to a central databank that would be used to track your surfing habits. Visiting 'dirty' sites, such as PopeAlien.com would result in a visit from Jack-booted thugs.

2) Janet Reno would no longer be responsible for keeping the internet safe. This task would be transfered to an agency with more knowledge of Internet Protocols, such as the National Dairy Council.

3) It would become illegal to produce a site that did not offer a product or service for sale. This would ensure that the World Wide Web was free of distracting sites that do not actively advance the economy.

We feel that these simple steps would greatly reduce the number of undesireables that have access to the Internet. We encourage you to write your congress-person today, and pull the plug on net.crime.